Clare's birth story

Our little girl… what an entrance she had on April 7, 2010 at 6:55pm. We anticipated and were excited about her from the moment we knew she was coming. We tried so hard to find Damian a big brother shirt right away, but had no luck at any of the stores.  We started off seeing an OB who was nice enough, but we never got the feeling he was totally on board with our plans for a completely unmedicated birth, he would agree with our concern and then throw in a quick clause at the end. We also took Bradley classes with Donna Ryan and she strongly encouraged us too keep looking until we found something that fit. And boy did we! We switched to the UNT Midwives at about 32 weeks along and never looked back. The first appointment I spent over an hour talking with the midwife and each one after that seemed to take just as long, but in the best way. They listened to what we had to say and were genuinely interested in what was going on in our lives. The group had 5 midwives in it and by the time our due date approached we had met 4 of them. As Clare’s due date came and went the anticipation grew even more.  I always remind people that it is just an estimated due date, but when it was mine it was a little harder to swallow the waiting game! It was very helpful and reassuring that we never were pushed for induction or even had to be checked internally. The hand off approach, with compassion, was just what Kevin and I needed to not get too antsy waiting around.







For a few weeks, I had the same game of contractions that happened with Damian. Usually every evening when Kevin would get home from school I would start having contractions. Nothing too substantial, but as we got farther into it they would pick up intensity, but always die down enough, that I would just go to bed. We tried not to get our hopes up, but a few nights my body tricked us and we did! On Tuesday, April 6^th I went to my SAA meeting and Kevin stayed home with Dami to work on some yard work. When I got home, Kevin put Dami to bed and came out and I could barely walk. She had dropped even lower (though the day before I would have told you that was impossible) and was positioned in a way that made It really painful to move.  Kevin was such a trooper, sitting with me through contractions, helping me waddle to the bathroom, or even just sitting on the bed with me waiting for the next one. About midnight with the contractions still 10 minutes apart he strongly encouraged me to get some rest. He would wake me up every 9 minutes at first so I could prepare myself for the 10 minute contractions and eventually we both fell asleep.



He told me today that while he went to go “study” he really went and reread almost our entire Bradley book, trying to find something to help with the pain I was having and having his “transition” of “I’m supposed to be the coach, how do I do this…”

I woke up about 4 am to strong contractions and though I didn’t have a clock they felt consistent with the ones I was having the night before. I woke Kevin up at about 4:3o to let him know I needed some help getting comfortable.  For an hour or so I sat on my ball and every 1o minutes had a very strong contraction.  I could just feel her moving lower with each wave. Kevin then suggested I get back in bed and try sleeping some more.  We both managed to get about 2 more hours of sleep and I am so thankful we did. When we woke up it was still the same, very strong, but 10 minutes apart. We gave my parents a heads up since they were on Dami duty and called our doula, Kristin, who is in the process of training, and let her know today was probably the day, but we would let her know as things sped up.



Dami got up and Kevin took over. He stayed home from class and while I mostly sat on the couch or walked around aimlessly while he took care of Dami and even got a few things cleaned around the house.  Around lunch I was getting frustrated. I hadn’t seen any change in timing and while the contractions felt strong I didn’t think they would get us any where until they got closer together. We had a scheduled appointment with the midwives that afternoon at 3:30. I called my mom to see if she could come watch Damian so he could finish his nap while we went to the midwives office.  I took a shower and got dressed and when mom got there we headed out. It wasn’t far but the contractions in the car were not fun. I couldn’t move in the car and it made them harder to handle.  When we arrived in the parking garage we had to stop a few times on the way up to the office.



We checked in at the front desk and sat down to wait. Kevin got out his iphone and was checking email and such and then passed it to me to do the same.  I was continuing to breathe through contractions while we waited. I checked facebook and a friend had just posted her birth story so I read it while we waited. She had a very long and intense birth and I began to prepare myself that Clare’s entrance into this world looked like it was going to be a long one. We were called back and I gave a urine sample and got settled in the room. The assistant took my blood pressure and asked a few questions and then said Kathleen would be come in a moment. While we waited my contractions went from 10 minutes apart to 5 and were really strong. Kevin was great coaching me through them and letting me put my weight on him and rock.

When Kathleen arrived she could tell I was in labor and asked how everything was going. We filled her in and she listened to Clare’s heart beat and measured my belly. She asked if we wanted her to check me. At first we said no, but then after discussing it we agreed. I was apprehensive about being checked because with Damian when we got to the hospital (3 hours before he was born) I had only dilated 1 more centimeter from the appointment I had the week before. It was really disheartening and didn’t really tell me anything about where I was in labor. Kathleen left so I could get changed and while she was gone I had a few more quick contractions. They had dropped to about 2-3 minutes apart. When Kathleen came back in and heard how close they were together she really encouraged us to head over to the hospital. She checked me and I was already a 5 and fully effaced. That made me feel better that I was actually getting somewhere, though if it had been less I probably would have been really upset. I still wasn’t feeling ready to go to the hospital so we told her to call ahead to the midwife, Candis, on call and we would go home get Damian settled and get our bags and then head up to check in. She said to head straight to L&D and they would have our room ready.

On our way out Kevin called Kristin to let her know to head our way. He then called Melanie who was going to take birth photography to also let her know we were getting close. When we got home Dami and mom were on a walk. We immediately started gathering a few last minute things for our bag and grabbed a small bite to eat. When Dami and mom got home we filled her in and they decided to take off to my parent’s house to meet dad. This was about 5:10 pm. Kevin got Dami’s car seat moved and they were off. As soon as they left my mood shifted and I was in the “zone.” I was finally ready to go meet our little girl. Kevin drove carefully and quickly back to the hospital and found a parking spot. At Harris Downtown there is no quick way to get to L&D and I felt like I walked a mile. Looking back it was kind of funny to see the people’s faces as I waddled down the hall and stopped every few minutes to have a contraction.  I was pretty quiet but kept pursing my lips and exhaling making a funny noise. Kevin looked it up and it’s called a lip trill. The strangers faces ranged from a little freaked out to smiling, knowing that we were on our way to meet this wonderful girl.

We were buzzed in to the L&D area and I kept walking. Kevin told them Kathleen had called ahead and people got moving! They told me to go ahead to the room and Candis would come in shortly. It felt like a while before anyone joined us in our room, which was kind of nice. I immediately sat down on the birth ball and got into a rhythm. Kevin set our stuff down and got out the video camera. We were excited to know that the midwives allowed video cameras and wanted to record this wonderful event. I don’t think anyone else will ever see it but maybe one day Clare will be interested in how she came into this world.

Violet, the nurse, came into the room and Candis joined us too. Candis had requested Violet, who had just come into work. It was about 6pm. I could here everyone talking and for the most part was answering all the questions, but the pressure was really intense and the contractions were coming strong. Violet was great going through the papers quickly and Kevin was wonderful giving me support and encouragement! I heard Candis tell Violet she didn’t think it would be long just from how Kathleen had described me to now have changed quite a bit. Kristin arrived and met everyone and was a great support. I kept lip trilling through contractions on the birth ball and all of a sudden my water broke. It was the biggest relief ever! I kept saying over and over “that feels so much better”!

I decided I didn’t want to be on the ball anymore and the tub sounded good. The water was not quite deep enough or warm enough, but everyone was quick to fix things when I asked. I couldn’t get comfortable sitting in the tub but it felt good to be on my hands and knees and bounce through the contractions. This is when I started to get louder and kind of started to doubt myself. The release of pressure from my bags of water breaking pushed Clare down farther and I think this was my transition time. Kristin was right next to my head wiping my face and Kevin was massaging my back. Violet was prepping things in the other room and Candis was watching and encouraging.

After a few contractions I felt the urge to push and really started vocalizing. I told them I felt like pushing and they encouraged me to go with it. I was still on my hands and knees and leaned back into the contraction while pushing. The pain was intense. I said a few times “I can’t do this!” Kevin said “you are doing it!” Candis asked if I wanted to touch her head, she was almost here and crowning. The contractions had spread out a little, but I didn’t want to touch her head I wanted her out so I could hold her. I waited what felt like to me forever (but Kevin said really wasn’t that long) for the next contraction and pushed again and then one more time. I felt and huge relief as she finally was born at 6:55pm!

I quickly turned over and sat in the tub and saw our beautiful Clare Marie for the first time! She had quite a bit of hair and was precious. She was so alert and looking around and went straight to the breast. It took her a few minutes to latch on but she just looked around at this big world. I decided I didn’t like the water anymore and asked them to drain it and get some blankets for Clare. Everything had moved so quickly we had forgotten to get out the camera or move the video camera from the place in the room. Kevin quickly went to go get them both and Kristin began snapping away, catching some of the precious first moments of Clare’s life. We were waiting for the placenta to be born, but the cord had stopped pulsing so Kevin cut the umbilical cord. After that we decided to move back to the bed and get warmed up. Kevin held Clare and I walked to the bed and got settled. Soon after, with Clare nursing away, the placenta came and everything was going great!





After an hour or so Clare was calm and I drank my orange juice, we weighed and measured her. She was 9lbs 3.6oz and 21 inches long, which really surprised us. She didn’t seem that big. Melanie arrived shortly before that and began snapping away, catching some more wonderful moments as we began to get to know Clare. Her birth was beautiful, it was hard work and it was empowering and humbling all at the same time.













We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong.
~Laura Stavoe Harm